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Hibbelquietschherumgezappele.

Another week .. I'm sitting on the train in the Ruhr area. I was surprised to note how well I've taken the previous month behind me, but now makes the final sprint, my almost innate impatience more than noticeable - I pity the people which I have to endure now.

And as if that were not enough, I vacillate almost every hour from one extreme to another: First, I want to dance with joy that I to him - no, that I belong to him, then pulls it all together again in me with longing and I take the emo-masochistic * sessions, which consist of taking a closer look of his photographs while in the background of our music is, especially designed for this are the beautiful instrumental pieces by Yiruma. And should women .. on the important things in life, such as household work on the Pleinairisten named Daubigny, focus ahem. Well. So far it has

with each See you in just as felt as if he would re-take possession of me. Although we talk almost daily, that is obviously a mile of difference, and the moment when I told him after all this time that has elapsed, I once again delivered with skin and hair, each time again is downright scary intense .. the sort of moments where I do everything for him to hide, and I forget that it is not "normal", his love to give Sun

This would alone are enough to put myself in a pleasant anticipation and nervous state, but unlike previous visits this time he also mentioned some nice things that he gave me a 99% probability Antunes. Well, the 350 strikes were announced, but compared with what he now plans to work like a breeze. I expect this time instead of 350 600 - and it looks like he wants them executed as usual in one piece .. ouch.

addition, he expects it appears to be little to inaugurate the newly acquired canes to me - and I've met him some time ago, more or less with the nose that you can strike wonderfully well with a belt. Yes, I'm in a class of mine is to dig my own grave on purpose .. further evidence? Since

would include a request that he lead me on a lead but the city Let .. not to mention the stupid mini-skirt-to-own action, even though I still be swarming in the night before, how great it would be to walk with me in the skirt with nothing underneath to the public, all too clearly in the ear had. Sigh. After all, it is a nice skirt.

I just wish sometimes, my feelings towards such plans were not so ambivalent - "Oh yes I stand to be out, humiliated in the midst of unsuspecting Vanilla!" When I enthusiastically could cheer, then the pervert would be much easier. But to be honest .. simultaneously, it would be considerably less fulfilling.

* word stolen from Irlefin - Sorry. I hope you can forgive me, it graciously.

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brief announcement.

Ladies and gentlemen, my gentle reader,

I have decided to suspend my usual program with feature reports and kitschy pseudo-lyrical effusions, in order to clarify a few things I have pushed sour. And while it comes to:
Yesterday I experienced night from Chris, that a friend because of a misunderstanding between me and him thought he had the permission to Gruki to "beat", and made it to the Stammi in Cologne to use added. So far so good .. that would in any case to have no serious problem.

have that but then the various people perceived as an invitation to annoy him as well, although he clearly did not, I do not find funny. Sure, the old-fashioned SMJG is not a tea party and between the members often times there is a not exactly gentle tone.
But most know these persons well and know what it is meant and what the limits of the others are, and above all - and this should be obvious - there is a basic respect for others.

Just because Chris is just me subbig opposite, that does not mean that he is fair game and on your mood may be getriezt by all present. We are not finally Gor or in Roissy. The Gruki is my sub, not a toy for general amusement, and that it is considered that, and just from people I do not know, was handled roughly, makes me grumpy.

Where's the first was from me .. I will not mention any names, but if those who are concerned, read this, hopefully they will feel concerned.

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from another planet.

He is on me, pushes me mercilessly on the mattress and smiles at me with that special smile that is really none. "You're a monster," it exclaims to me, scared half and half-defiantly combative. "If anyone else would know that you Sun are .. "

In fact - if we would have seen an outsider in the said moment, he probably would have suspected that it was on the actors to Psychopath and is helpless victims - it would never have occurred to him, that these words have fallen between two lovers. We seem sometimes like cats and dogs, to throw us "bitch" and "ass" in his head that Vanilla's hearing was what hit. They were outraged, would never understand, stunned .

shake his head for us but this is - together with all the violence -. part of the game, part of the unwritten agreement that exists between us sometimes is it okay, even desired - then swings in a challenging insult "Hinder me but the fact so to be called up with. Taken out of context, it would hurt me just like everybody else.

In other situations, again, I have cursed him and it also meant, at times when I've loved and hated at the same time that it conquers me. "Our" BDSM is not a cuddly pick, not a loving watch tickling the libido. It is a dance on the precipice of intoxicating and instilling fear and numbing the senses, full of contradictions and Unsuspecting an incomprehensible mystery - how can two people who love to do such a thing?

But just as it should be.

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being are, every day a little bit more.

Meanwhile, Chris and I have already more than once or twice played together, and I realize that we engage with each other and more time so slowly but surely leaving the phase of trying out, intense, and our game "real" is.

These experiences are wonderful - I think I've never passed so many internal borders as under his leadership, his fingers under my collar hooked. As I stood at the very beginning of my journey, I was convinced that the whole is mainly an erotic foreplay for me was I needed only the thrill of the playful BE SUBJECT TO and would be furious if my partner would also try to only begun to integrate the power gap from the bedroom into everyday life.

Well. How quickly can change views .. Now I enjoy it more and more to make a voluntary control, without the need to force myself. I enjoy the words "Yes, sir," taste on my tongue, me kneeling on the floor to cuddle up to his leg and be petted, add me and collected from him to be. And not only that - in the last last time I have, despite some reluctance and Maule admitted that he intentionally engages in my life when he realizes that somewhere improvement exists.

I find it is still not easy to accept that he has this power over me, and fits a part of me in it at all the stuff that will be treated like a little girl, that must be culled. The resistance, which proposes to meet him any time soon as he pokes around in one of my weaknesses is definitely real. And while I know that he has absolutely right with what he laments on me - what bothers me a hand and makes me incredibly other hand, be grateful that he will not let me be with my blemishes and defects, but wants to change me. The

here to write black on white is not easy, but his "education" I'm good, I have noticed more and more that I develop a desire for me to improve in the areas that he has shown me not only my own sake, but also to a sub who may be worthy. Especially as he expresses his criticism but very clearly it is never offensive, however, or give me the feeling of being inferior.

I am aware that this is just the beginning on the way to really become his property, but I'm learning to appreciate even to trust him in this respect, to make it happen, that he shaped me even if I do in the concrete situation in which he considers me a good dressing-not just great find.

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Hardly a soap ...

... is planned as. In the actual EVERYTHING worked. The colors were beautiful, fit and let the scent marble is beautiful. Starting in the oven. Also it has gelled.

And then the nightmare of every Siederin. Soda ash. With the colors I am not so satisfied. The liquid of Black Grace Fruit makes black spots, so not really solved. The Kelly Green believes it would Lumi-Green. The Pink of Grace is also very discreet. (If you Dark Pink and Brilliant Pink is used by Behawe.) Compensate

Well, does in any case, the phytoestrogen Be Delicious by DKNY. It smells in the bottle is not as exciting, but soap is unfolding perfectly.

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A nice little interlude humiliation.

A few hours ago I made a very memorable experience that I will not hide from you .. And while I'm in his view yesterday that too cheeky, so I could turn today with my grocery shopping in the Round Rock nothing underneath - well, thank you.

I was not very enthusiastic about the idea and have often seriously considered, the revolt to taste and simply refuse to tell me, but in the end it did not do it .. for that I am apparently too scared rabbit. In addition, I reassured myself with the thought that it would not already be too bad because I was already several times with jeans, but had no underpants on the road, and it had to be ugly, but found bearable.

As I discovered, unfortunately, I was wrong enormous. Now I know why the whole Subbie-no-underwear-Where-To-Be-story perverse circles it is a classic - it just feels incredibly uncomfortable to feel the fabric on the backside and the breeze between their legs.

Sure, it has seen me, nobody expects untenrum lacked a solid layer, but my brain has tried all along to fool me that other people would notice something guaranteed .. my collar did not help at the moment. I could have just as easily write "slave" on his forehead, and would not have been uncomfortable in my skin, between the unsuspecting Vanilla, felt.

I have to admit that this punishment definitely did not miss their target. Hmph.